Where the Hell Have I Been?

It’s been so long since I’ve written a post that they’ve updated the posting format and I had to reacquaint myself with navigating my website.

I have to say, I’m not too proud of the fact that I’ve gone so silent for so long. And while I won’t go into detail on the reasoning, I want to offer what I can and hope that anyone facing any uncertainties in their life finds hope in the idea of starting over or even making any change necessary.

A little over six months ago, I packed up my life, moved back home, and started my personal journey towards happiness. Because the life I was currently living wasn’t giving me that. I cancelled my signings, I missed deadlines, I scared the shit out of myself…but I also reminded myself how strong I am. I lost friendships, I severed ties with a lot of people, I hurt people, and I strengthened bonds. I realized that in life, you can make a lot of people happy. But what does that matter if you aren’t happy?

I was at a point in my life where I could hardly recognize who I was; I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing next. And while that should’ve excited me, it terrified me. It shed light on just how lost I was as a woman. Something as natural as writing became a task. I felt like I was reaching beyond my purpose; forcing myself into the woman everyone wanted me to be. And who was I to write stories when I couldn’t have blind faith in my own?

I’m sure a lot of this post seems vague and unimportant so I want to get to the point of this. Over the next few months, I’ll be rebranding and rebuilding. I never stopped writing but a lot of the content has changed because I’ve changed as a woman. Nearly every aspect of my life is completely different, including my perception of myself and my awareness of others.

I encourage everyone to embrace change and to not be afraid of it. And to never settle for a life that doesn’t force you out of your comfort zone. Because if we aren’t growing, we aren’t living.

 

bookPhoto by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

 

My next post should have details on my current project, which is in the beta stage (I’m nervous as hell that they’re going to tell me it’s shit but so far, so good). Again, the content is different. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m not the writer I was before just as I’m not the woman I was before. I only hope that my current readers are open to embracing the change and that new readers can appreciate the honesty laced within the fiction.

After all, it may be fiction but damn it if it doesn’t feel real.

 

Currently playing Lust for Life by Lana Del Rey & The Weeknd. Super appropriate.

 

 

All my love, after all this time,
Cynth